The Tooth Fairy
by alphadine
Summary: Jayne's mood has been very touchy over the past week. Not that that would have seemed strange to anybody at first, because that's the way he was, mostly


**Rating: **PG for some bad language**  
>Disclaimer:<strong> No, I don't own anything.

A/N:

A very huge Thank You to the fantabulous bashasche for her beta work. You have no idea what this poor woman has to go through every time I send a file over to her to look through it.

You're amazing, lass. Cheers!

Any remaining mistakes are mine. But I'm a generous person and I'm going to share them with you.

-.-.-.-.-

The Tooth Fairy  
>===============<p>

Jayne's mood has been very touchy over the past week. Not that that would have seemed strange to anybody at first, because that's the way he was, mostly.

No one really noticed that he had secluded himself more often, or that he had acted even grumpier and more petulant than usual. Most of that petulance was aimed at River though and Simon had come very close to having words with Jayne about his attitude towards his sister.

Jayne had cursed and yelled at the poor girl as soon as she had had the misfortune to be anywhere near him. She'd been bellowed at to get out of his way, to stop watching him like he was an object to study or for just _being River_.

But that hadn't caused that much suspicion because the way he'd snapped at the girl wasn't as rare as all that. River, for her part, had gracefully ignored the grumpy Mercenary and his rudeness like she always did and had assured the worried Simon that she didn't care at all.

All these things hadn't appeared to be that much out of the ordinary to anybody until Jayne had started to pick at his food. All of a sudden he'd preferred protein mash and soup over a bread roll or the cookies which had been - oddly enough but delicious none the less - part of the payment for the last deal they had pulled off some days ago

He avoided their worried looks during meals and studied the scratches on the table instead, or, if eye contact was absolutely unavoidable or someone had dared to utter a concerned question about his well being, Jayne answered them with a testy growl, accompanied by a threatening glare. Usually that was more than enough encouragement for everyone to back down and mind their own business again.

No one had been able to figure out what bothered the big man that much. So when Jayne entered the medical bay that afternoon and slumped onto a chair growling grumpily, Simon watched him with a mix of annoyance and curiosity.

"Nee' yer help, Doc." Jayne mumbled inarticulately through one of his paws which covered the better part of his left jaw.

"I figured something like that, "Simon answered matter-of-factly, "_How_ can I help you?"

Simon stepped closer to the obviously miserable giant. As Jayne reluctantly removed his hand from his face Simon made a low noise of surprise at the big and ugly swelling that was visible on the Merc's jaw.

Squinting at the swelling the Doctor carefully probed it with one finger, causing Jayne to hiss.

"It looks like it's..."

"Painful."

Both men's heads turned around to the source of the contemplative voice.

They both had missed River's entrance to the infirmary but with her bare feet and her controlled motions she rarely made a sound while moving anyway. She sat on a counter, her legs tucked up, her chin rested upon her knees while she watched calmly how her brother examined his patient.

"Smart ass." The young doctors smiled at his sister before he turned to continue the examination of Jayne's face, "It surely is painful, but what I wanted to say is, that it looks infected. Jayne, can you open your mouth, please?"

The soft rustle of her clothes as River slid from the counter made Jayne peer around the doctor suspiciously.

"Wha' she up to?" He asked, following her with his eyes.

"She won't harm you, if that's what you are worried about." Simon moved his patient's face back so he could take a better look at the swelling. "Well, at least not while I'm around." He added, well knowing that Jayne wouldn't miss the sting. The big man's eyes narrowed at him but Simon ignored it.

"Open your mouth, I need to see what's causing your pain." he ordered instead as he put on some gloves.

Growling low Jayne did as he was told. He kept that growl going as Simon carefully tapped each of Jayne's teeth with a probe. When the growl transformed into a pained grunt the doctor knew he found the reason for the Mercenary's discomfort. He put the probe aside and carefully pulled Jayne's mouth wider, to get a better look at the infected tooth.

"That looks bad!" River's low voice piped up. Like an imp she popped up at Simon's side and stretched her neck to get a look into Jayne's mouth, too.

"GIP LOFT!" Jayne snapped at the girl, uncaring about the fact, that speaking while the doctor was still poking around in his mouth was a wet and distasteful matter. With a disgusted noise Simon flinched from the spitting Merc.

"Could you please not do that while I still have my hand in your mouth?"

Frowning Simon quickly took his fingers out of the range of Jayne's teeth and indignantly dabbed his spit covered arms with a paper towel.

"Tell her ta move! I want her outta her'!" demanded the mercenary unfazed by Simon's disgust. Rising up in his chair a bit more he glared at girl.

"Moonbrain has that creepyfyin' look again an' that freaks _me_ out."

Simon had to bite a laugh at the menacing glare the Mercenary sent over to the girl, who didn't even bother to try and at least look somewhat intimidated. She just daintily moved around the two men and continued to examine Jayne's swollen jaw from every possible angle.

"You're afraid of a 90-pound girl?" the Doctor teased his patient who warily followed every motion of the girl in question with his eyes.

"90-pound assassin." Jayne mumbled, not letting River out of his sight. "An' I ain't afraid, I jus' don't trust her."

The girl now stood on his left side; her head tilted, and squinted with furrowed brows at his jaw from that strange angle.

"Stoppit, Crazy, or I'll make ya!" Jayne barked because the impish smile that started to play around the girl's mouth unnerved him.

A strange tingle in his guts told him that she was up to something and his gut-feeling had never failed him before. But would she really go after him with a knife again? Sure, the scalpels and other sharp instruments were all locked up since that last 'incident', but he knew that the girl was damned fast and it wouldn't be a real problem for her to get them if she wanted to make some "Jayne-sushi" out of him.

"She is just curious, Jayne." Simon's amused scoff interrupted Jayne's train of thoughts. "And there isn't much else for her to do on this ship, as you probably know. So let her watch. She won't harm you, I promise. Can we now go back to your aching tooth?"

Jayne huffed, still not convinced that River's strange behavior was just an expression of normal curiosity and he wasn't so sure that Simon was really able to keep her in check but what other choice did he have? His tooth was seriously aching and he would probably go crazy like _Little Loony_ already was if Simon didn't finally do something against that pain. He still could deal with the Moonbrain later.

"Freak!" he hissed to the girl, who scurried around them like a little demon while she mumbled some obscure calculation formulae, before he leaned back and let the Doctor continue with his examination.

Simon finished his inspection and turned to the Merc.

"It looks like the tooth has to be extracted."

"Tell me somethin' new, Doc." Jayne huffed "Tried it myself already, borrowed some pliers from Kaylee, but the damned tooth, it ain't moving! Hurts like hell."

"You tried to... ? With pliers…? From the engine room…? That is… " The Doctor stuttered with disbelief and shook his head. He wondered if he would ever be able to understand that man. With a shudder he pushed the mental picture aside.

"Anyway." He stated, "The tooth has to come out. But its root is apparently too deeply positioned in your jawbone to pull it out easily. You'll need a dentist, which I am not."

"You tellin' me you can't pull a fuckin' tooth?"

"Not this one, sorry Jayne. You'll have to wait until we land on Greenleaf in a few days."

"Doc, are ya kiddin' me? That'll be another three days! Get this gorram tooth out!"

"I'm not a dentist, Jayne! I can't. I'll probably make it worse."

"There's gotta be somethin' on the cortex. Everythin' is somewhere on the cortex! Ya brag about bein' top 3% of yer class. Go an' look that crap up, gorammit!" Jayne reeled between fury and desperation.

"It's not that easy." Simon explained. "And assuming that there _is_ something to look up, it would take me days if not weeks to learn. I don't have an eidetic memory."

"I have." River mumbled absentminded. She still stood next to Jayne but had stopped with her odd inspection of Jayne's face as she looked at the two men self-confidently "I can help him."

"Mei-mei, no… you can't…! This isn't a game…"

"Not playing." River assured them. "I can help."

"No ruttin' way! Three days ya say, Doc? Ya got enough painkillers, I'm good!" Jayne sputtered upon the determined expression that appeared on the girl's face.

River only furrowed her brows and shook her head lightly over their pathetic attempts to talk her out of this.

"_Boobs! Both of them!"_ she thought. "_But she _can_ help, she _will_ help."_

The blow came out of nowhere with just the right amount of force against Jayne's jaw. There was a soft cracking sound and the Mercenary was thrown out of the chair. Swiftly River jumped back towards the exit of the infirmary as the turmoil started.

"River, what …?" Her brother was speechless for a moment and too dumbfounded, too to even think coherently.

"The girl is helping." River explained with a wide smile, almost half out of the door.

"I'm gonna kill that crazy bitch!"

Jayne roared like an irritated bear as he scrambled to his feet again, spitting some blood on the floor and Simon snapped back into action.

"River! RUN!"

He stepped into Jayne's way to give his sister a head start for an escape and he hoped for her own sake that she would stay hidden until the Merc's temper had cooled down some.

"Outta my way!"

With a furious growl Jayne tried to push the Doctor aside who apparently had the same suicidal streak as his sister and swore viciously as Simon somehow managed to stand his ground. The struggle went back and forth and Simon summoned an unexpected strength and dexterity in this fight to protect his sister from the mad Mercenary.

The sound of a gun being cocked made the fighting men freeze. Slowly they moved their heads towards its owner. With furrowed brows the Captain stood in the door of the infirmary aiming his weapon at the squabblers.

"Could someone please tell me, why my Merc and Doctor are trying to kill each other and in the process of doing so, are wrecking my infirmary?" Mal's voice rose up with every word.

Slowly Jayne let go of the Doctor's collar.

"Don't wanna kill the Doc, Mal. Wanna kill his _feng le*_ sister." He grunted. "Doc's jus' in the way."

"I can somehow follow the Doc's notion to keep his sister safe from you." Mal answered dryly, without lowering his gun. "So, different subject, same question. Why?"

"Bitch punched me for no reason!" Jayne complained. "Dint do nothin', Mal, honest. Crazy just whacked me out o' the blue."

Mal's furrowed brows went upwards.

"For they way you've been treating her lately, she has every reason to punch you whenever she likes to. - Ah!" He lifted his gun a bit as a warning when Jayne's eyes narrowed and the big man took half a step into Mal's direction. With a snarl Jayne backed down. "Okay, what was it this time?"

The question was aimed at Simon, who was visibly relieved that the Captain was bent on believing that there had to be a reason for River's actions. The Doctor gave a quick recap of the events but he also pointed out, that this time Jayne really didn't provoke the girl.

"Well, he sure has spread a lot of his usual 'charm', but that never had affected River in any way before and I don't see any reason why this should have changed." Simon finished his summery.

Mal lowered his gun and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

"Okay, let me get that straight. Before River punched Jayne for no obvious reason, Jayne came here to get a bad tooth treated, right?" As the Doctor and the Mercenary both nodded an affirmative Mal pointed with the gun barrel to a spot on the ground. "_That_ tooth?"

In a small poodle of blood and spit a tooth was laying on the floor. With a puzzled look Jayne carefully tested the spot in his mouth with his tongue where the aching tooth had been. It was gone.

"I'll be damned!" Jayne mumbled flabbergasted. With a huff he swatted Simons hand away who was about to take a look of his own.

"Good! Now that this is sorted, the two of you'd better clean up the mess you've made. And then I think someone is owed an apology." With that said, Mal muttered "Why do certain members of my crew always have to act like preschoolers?" under his breath and left the two men standing in the vandalized infirmary.

Jayne made a sullen face. "Apologize. My ass. She hit me!"

"She meant to help you." Simon picked up a fallen chair. "And you can't deny that in her own twisted way, she did. Maybe you should at least consider an apology for the rudeness against her."

The Merc stared at Simon as if the Doctor had gone crazy, too.

"Rudeness, huh? Doc, _she_ hit _me_! Ain't gonna apologize none for havin' my face in the way of her fist." Jayne grunted and stepped in front of the infirmary.

"I know you can hear me, Crazy!" he yelled, shaking his fist. "I'll make ya pay for this! Ya hear me? Ya gonna pay!"

River's voice answered from somewhere on the ship.

"If you put the tooth under your pillow tonight, I will." Her giggle was audible although the source was undetectable. "I am the tooth fairy."

-.-.-

_*feng le_ - crazy


End file.
